ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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