I'm eating all of the evidence.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
