I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
