Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
