he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm both gender and math confused
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
