Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
