Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
