Do you still have your period?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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