im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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