We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize