.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
