My hand turned me down
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
