my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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