She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
