my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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