a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just forgot I was standing up.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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