i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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