Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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