Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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