your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
