I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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