My friends, they love my intelligence
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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