I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
