____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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