Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
