my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
