The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
