guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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