Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
