she woke up with a sticky ear
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
