I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
