A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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