is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
