it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
