I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
