reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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