They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
