So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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