I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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