O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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