she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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