U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
