My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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