I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
