Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
