Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
