found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
