is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
