Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
