i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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