I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
