i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
