she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
