I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
