the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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