I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The power of my boobs compel you
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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