Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
