We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
