: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
