I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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