I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
