I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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