I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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