we made out on top of his cat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
