You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
