once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
