took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
