he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
do herpes really smell.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
