there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
