she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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