I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
