return my video game
my mouth tastes like poor choices
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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